Ug. I cannot get my ass out of bed early in the morning! I mean, I was sooo tired last night and I finally got to bed about 10:30 which would have been okay but I could NOT fall asleep. My body was so ready but my brain was not. I have the hardest time being a morning person. Blech. I know it is better to get up and exercise in the morning but I cannot seem to get myself to do it. Grrrrr.

I had some leftover Chinese food for breakfast. I have no idea why. I am so freaking weird. Also, I need a nap? *yawn*

So this tells me the following:

1710.5 calories per day is your Basal Caloric Rate.

This is no more than:

57.018 grams of fat (30%)

64.145 grams of protein (15%)

235.20 grams of carbohydrate (55%)

2223.7 calories per day recommended for your Active Caloric Rate.

This is no more than:

74.123 grams of fat (30%)

83.389 grams of protein (15%)

305.76 grams of carbohydrate (55%)

No less then 1210.5 calories per day recommended for safe consistent Weight Loss.

This is no more than:

40.351 grams of fat (30%)

45.395 grams of protein (15%)

166.45 grams of carbohydrate (55%)

At this safe consistent Weight Loss Caloric Rate, you will lose 1 pound every 7 Days

So, my 1,500 cal a day goal was a pretty good target, I think. And I do my best to stay under 60g of fat, so that is good too. I am not sure about the carbs. I will have to go back and look at that. I wish FitDay was more accurate. I really liked the WebMD version better because their selection of food was better. Oh well. If I continue to make smart choices and exercise, FitDay’s accuracy won’t really affect me.

So, I went and had the blazing noodles for lunch. I did my best to only eat one serving but I think I ate a little too much. First of all, I ordered edamame for an appetizer so I could fill up on some nice soy protein before the starch bomb was brought to the table. Unfortunatly, while I was in the bathroom, they brought out both the appetizer and the entree! I know most people adore fast service but I wanted to ease in to the meal, you know? I gathered my willpower and managed to eat a fair amount of edamame before digging in to the noodles. I made sure to just put enough on my plate to equal about one serving, making sure to add the pea pods, tomatoes and carrots along with the chicken and noodles. I had to force myself to eat slowly because it was sooooooooooooooo good. I only went back the plate for one more spoonful but, really, I shouldn’t have because I was pretty much full by then. Next time, I am going to get a to go box before I start eating and put everything but one serving in the box. I think that is the best way to control my urge to eat the whole plate. I never want to do that again!

The person I was with, who is also a diabetic, ate all of her shrimp! She spent 5 more minutes eating after I had put my food in the box. I used to be like that. Cleaning my plate because the food tasted so good and I wanted to eat it until my body begged me to stop. I refuse to put myself through that any more. Now I have enough left over that if I want, I can have some for a snack later today and probably once more for lunch this week. It is healthier, and more economical, to only eat until satisfied, you know? I have to tell myself that over and over and over again while I eat. I have to remember that it took 27 years for me to build up the tapes that are looped in my head and it will take a lot of time and FOCUS to change those tapes.

Man, I think I am hitting a wall. It’s only been a week and a half! I just have to bear down and plow through it! I was going to go to the gym yesterday morning but I could not get out of bed. Mondays are no fun. *snerk* I did my cardio and strength training when I got home, though. I did get up this morning and go. Of course, the gym I went to has that stupid sign up thing that I didn’t see when I got there so some dude interupted me before I was done. Plus, the sign up is only for 30 minutes. Um. What if I want to work out longer than that? Stupid gym. The one closer to my house but waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay far away from work is so much nicer. Dammit! I find it almost amusing that I am upset that I couldn’t work out longer. See, I don’t have a problem once I get there. I like working out. It’s the getting there that I have a tough time with. Stupid gym.

Going to lunch with my old boss today. We are going to the Chinese place I adore. I told myself that if I got up and worked out this morning, I could have the spicy noodle dish I love so much. I hope I can control myself. *L* Wait, I know I can. I just need to get a to go box right away and put everything but a serving in it and not open it again until it is time for second lunch! *stomp* I can do it, yes I can.

Popcorn for dinner is not exactly healthy. But! Still didn’t go over calories or fat and I worked my ASS off yesterday at the gym. I set up a fitness blog to keep track of my progress. That makes three blogs now. *L* I don’t think I am being obsessive. I mean, all I am doing is journalling about what is going on. I just choose to break it up in to three specific journals.

I am a wee bit sore today but it is a good sore. It doesn’t hurt too much and it makes me feel accomplished! My plans for today include making some summer veggie soup. Yummy! Soup is a savior for me because you can make them easily and as long as you season them right, the veggies are a joy to eat! Part of my experiment today includes adding fresh basil instead of Mrs. Dash stuff. We shall see!

So, yes, I had Arby’s for dinner last night. But, I didn’t have any fries and that Beef & Cheddar tasted soooooooooooooooooo good, ya’ll. And, as I said, I had enough calories left over to allow for it. I pretty much doubled my fat grams but I was still under 50 for the day, so I think that is cool.

I also didn’t work out yesterday but I think 7 days in a row is pretty good. I did get a nice workout watching a Margaret Cho DVD, though. Laughter does burn calories! Anyway, I plan on going to the gym this afternoon and making up for yesterday a bit. I might go for 40 minutes on the elliptical. Woo?

I got my blood sugar tester today. Wooo? Now, I am going to Arby’s and I am going to have a Beef & Cheddar because I have the calories and the fat grams alloted to do so. Woo! Treat for me!

Mmm. This evening was. interesting. After I ate some soup for dinner, I was still feeling, well, ravenous, really. Like my mouth was watering and, ug, I wanted food. Not a specific craving just FOOOD! I just drank some water and told myself NO! But when I went to input what I had eaten for dinner, I realized I had only eaten about 1,000 calories in the day!! EEK! No wonder I was hungry. I mean, I felt okay during the day with my tuna sandwhich and stuff but man, I was so hungry! Especially after my 40 minutes of working out. So I had some more of that pasta and meat sauce from yesterday. I probably should have waited a bit longer and I think I probably ate a little more than necessary but, even with that, I didn’t go over about 1,600. It is going to take me awhile to get the hang of it all, I think.

My mom says I can’t count calories forever and, you know, I agree. But right now, I need to feel my way around a bit and if I am accountable for everything I put in my mouth, I am much more concious when I make my food choices. Sure, a Whopper sounds great but when I input it in to FitDay, it is going to tell me I used all my calories and fat in one meal! That is hard to look at, yo. And I just don’t want to do that to myself anymore!

Still feeling the good. Trying to revel in it instead of being frightened by it. It’s working okay so far!

I realized that my calorie counting has been off for the past few days because I was entering the amount for a whole cup of Grape Nuts instead of a half. Ooops. That is almost 200 calories. Silly me. Still, yesterday, it helped me because when I made dinner, I included a salad and cut my portion of pasta and sauce to one cup because the wheat pasta, while yummy and good for me, would have pushed me close or maybe over 2,000 calories for the day. Now, I love me up some pasta, okay. And I never thought in a million years that I could measure out a cup of pasta with meat sauce and be satisfied. Even a week ago, I would have laughed at anyone who told me that. Usually, I eat every bite of the pasta I boil. No matter what. You’re full? So what! There is still yummy pasta there! Have some bread, too! Oooh. Is there anymore Coke? That was my life. Was. I just said was. Hmmm. Okay, see? Getting excited here because ate a reasonable portion and a salad for dinner and I didn’t die!! That might be a little far fetched but, still. I am amazed.

Why do I feel the need to keep questioning why this is working? It’s like all the sudden I have been given a new talent I’ve never had before and I am not quite sure what to do with it. And I fear, like that guy and his little mouse, that my genius will fade and I’ll be left with the memory of being able to eat right.

Okay, so it has been 6 full days now. YAY ME! I was telling the ladies at the LtB chat that I am feeling really good and that is causing me to be thinking about when the other shoe is going to drop. I tell myself to not get too excited because it will be worse when I screw up. I mean, I am already planning the screw up! How fucked up is that? I mean, I should enjoy feeling good. I should revel in wanting to walk a little faster, enjoying working out and putting food in my body for fuel instead of for comfort! These are all good things.

I guess I just have this “expectation” of failure because I haven’t been able to be successful at changing my life before. I have extra motivational factors now, with the diabetes, so I should probably be glad that I have made it six days! When will I be able to appreciate the work I am doing for myself and not think I am doomed to fail? If it were someone else telling me about what they had accomplished over the last week, I would feel great joy for them and only encourage them to continue! But I tell myself “well, don’t enjoy it too much, it won’t last!” If I had a friend who talked to me like that, well, I wouldn’t be friends with them.

I need to ride this good feeling in to tomorrow morning. Then into the afternoon and the evening. Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. I can do this! I am doing this. There is NO reason why it cannot continue!