The last two weeks were quite spectacularly shitty. Then my mom came to visit. I have not been committed to a mental institution, so I feel like it’s win!
- The BFF’s dog dies on a Tuesday
- The Washington Captials are eliminated from the playoffs on a Wednesday
- I lock myself out of my Gmail on a Thursday and almost have a nervous breakdown
- THERAPIST DARES TO GO OUT OF TOWN ON A MONDAY!!!!
- Mom comes to visit on a Thursday
- Decides she wants to go to the Holocaust museum on Saturday
- Tells lies about not forcing me to go to church and is generally weird and critical on a Monday
Yeah, so, seriously. Gold stars all around for not losing my mind. I thought that when I went to see my therapist this week, I would be crying and blubbering all over the place but I really was not. I mean, yes, my mother drives me crazy. And she gets more negative and critical every time I see her. But I have learned by now how to put up the walls I need to protect myself from her bullshit. They only cracked a little during the time she was here and mostly because I expended all my mental energy crying at the Holocaust museum!
The hardest part for me is that when I am with my mom, I look at her and think, “if you don’t do something to change, that will be you in thirty years!” I feel a little guilty about thinking such a thing about my own mother but it’s just the truth. She’s 64 years old and overweight and married to a man she doesn’t even really like and is pretty much the most miserable person I know. I do not want to end up like that ever. As sad as that is, it is something I really need because I am horrible about delayed gratification, on top of the fact that I am very bad at caring about and taking care of myself. It is sobering to be confronted with the consequences of that in a walking talking person.
Needless to say, I am pretty motivated by that and the fact that I survived some pretty horrible weeks in a row without crumbling!
In other news, I have been avoiding focusing food on any sort of concentrated effort (in the past, I have focused on food and not the emotional stuff first and obviously, it has not work, so I’m switching it up!), except gathering some recipes. Lots of good Indian recipes in there. I have found that I enjoy just about all the spices in Indian food and can eat many more vegetables I would not normally touch if they are cooked in some curry.
Anyway, while I have not been super vigilant, I have been trying to make small changes. I bought some bagels and cream cheese to take to work instead of going to McD’s in the morning. Would an apple and some yogurt or whatever be better? Yes. But still. It’s a step. And it’s cheaper, which I really need to work on. I spend so much going out to eat, it is unreal.
At this point, I am basically on the Eat Whatever You Want As Long As You Make It At Home plan. Even if I am eating the kinds of stuff I eat out, it is still healthier and cheaper to make it at home. And if I actually make the food from scratch, even better! I am also trying to stop drinking soda at home, even Diet Coke. I am trying some various iced teas and such to come up with something other than water. I don’t mind drinking water but I prefer something with a little flavor with my meals.
So tonight, even though I was very very tired, I went to Whole Paycheck on my way home and picked up some fruit, some Amy’s Organic meals and other various things that came to approximately eleventy billion dollars! (Okay, $85!)
A cup and half of Poland Springs Sparkling Water with Lime and 1/4 cup of organic cherry juice. It was..interesting? I did not hate it but I wanted it to be sweeter! I might try some of that Skinny Cherry that HEAB mentioned. The Stevia would give it a bit more sweetness without sugar. Or I guess I could just train myself to like it less sweet? We shall see.
For dinner, I decided to try to new Indian dishes:
Trader Joe’s Pav Bhaji (gluten free, if you care about such things) and Jyoti Jaipur Karhi over some white balsamit rice. It was very spicy and tasty! The Pave Bhaji is tomatoes, cauliflower, beans and potatoes and the jaipur is potato dumplings in a butter milk sauce. So I got some good veggies in there, though I went way crazy on the starch. Next time, I will probably not pair those things together and perhaps make some chicken or something. And, well, whole wheat couscous as soon as I go through the rest of the white rice.
I have to say that I have been VERY impressed with the Trader Joe’s Indian fare thus far. It’s amazing how they can make them with all natural ingredients but able to live in my cupboard! Yes, they are a bit high in sodium but still. I really have a hard time getting motivated to cook, so a tasty veggie-filled stew I can make in two minutes is pretty damn impressive! And if I am feeling adventurous, I could probably add some lentils or chickpeas to it and have it be a whole meal. I will have to stock up on those next time I go.
Wow. This got really long! That’s what happens when I don’t post in forever!