17 Apr

Mmm. So, yeah. Went to the doctor yesterday and, well, she would like me to be introduced in to the diabetes club house. I knew it was coming but it was still kind of overwhelming. Before, it was like, if I don’t change the way I eat and lose weight, I’ll never get a date or be able to shop at the Gap. Now if I don’t change, I won’t live as long and possible be a blind gimp with one leg.

One would thing that this sort of news would frighten me in to submission but it hasn’t really sunk in yet. My first instinct is to eat and then crawl in bed for a few days. In fact, I called in sick today and had a nice bowl of spagetti with some cheese dip and baked bagel chips after I got up around 1pm. That’s the spirit, eh?

Blah. There are so many issues I need to work through! I am overwhelmed. I cannot seem to make myself take this slowly!! I want to fix it all right now. I think I also fear failure. Like, if I don’t try, at least I won’t have failed. But really, not doing it is failing because it will bring so many consequences, you know? So why can’t I convince myself of that? Why am I so afraid of taking care of myself? The mind boggles.

I am reading Margret Cho’s I’m The One That I Want and enjoying it very much. She is one of my heroines and I adore her ability to be raunchy and funny and bitter and open all that the same time. In a word, she rocks, yo. Anyway, she wrote something that really hit home for me:

We must know who we are, so we can know what we want, so we don’t end up wanting the wrong thing and get it and realize we don’t want it, because by then it is too late. We are powerful enough that we can manifest anything into our lives. To use this power with great care and love is the secret to living a happy life.

Sing it, sister.

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