24 Apr

Okay, so it has been 6 full days now. YAY ME! I was telling the ladies at the LtB chat that I am feeling really good and that is causing me to be thinking about when the other shoe is going to drop. I tell myself to not get too excited because it will be worse when I screw up. I mean, I am already planning the screw up! How fucked up is that? I mean, I should enjoy feeling good. I should revel in wanting to walk a little faster, enjoying working out and putting food in my body for fuel instead of for comfort! These are all good things.

I guess I just have this “expectation” of failure because I haven’t been able to be successful at changing my life before. I have extra motivational factors now, with the diabetes, so I should probably be glad that I have made it six days! When will I be able to appreciate the work I am doing for myself and not think I am doomed to fail? If it were someone else telling me about what they had accomplished over the last week, I would feel great joy for them and only encourage them to continue! But I tell myself “well, don’t enjoy it too much, it won’t last!” If I had a friend who talked to me like that, well, I wouldn’t be friends with them.

I need to ride this good feeling in to tomorrow morning. Then into the afternoon and the evening. Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. I can do this! I am doing this. There is NO reason why it cannot continue!

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