Archive | May, 2003
14 May

Mm. Yeah. So I hit a bit of a wall. I had a minor flip out and had a whole pizza and a 20oz Mountain Dew on Monday. Plus, I haven’t worked out in two days. I can feeeeeeeeeeeeel it tugging me back. “Come, Amber! Starch coma’s are so much fun!!” Grrr. I fear I don’t have the energy to fight through it. I just want to go home, stuff my face and watch the Dawson’s Creek finale! And I don’t even like that show!

I should have known the easiness wouldn’t last. I know I can battle through this but I have to do it now. No more “oh just an extra piece of pizza, one more hour of sleep, I’ll workout twice as hard tomorrow” crap. *takes sledgehammer to wall*

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12 May

I wasn’t feeling very posty this weekend. It was a good weekend food and exercise wise, though. I still ache for the days of laying around all weekend, eating chips and pizza and overdosing on coca cola. I miss that feeling of being barely awake. Everything is all fuzzy and warm. I wouldn’t feel much of anything. It sounds kind of sick to miss that sort of thing but I do. On the other hand, I am really enjoying working out at the moment. Honestly! I look forward to it, really. It makes me feel better than making myself a nice meal. Probably because I still view food as my mortal enemy.

I watched some special on E! about how hard people work to stay thin in Hollywood. It is amazing the things we will put our bodies through in the name of “beauty”. One woman drank 6 shakes a day for 7 months!! I can’t even imagine how miserable that would be. Food is to be enjoyed, you know? How can you teach yourself to eat better if you are just sucking shakes down? Or even having someone deliever three square meals a day?? Do those people just go back to eating the way they used to when they get to their goal weight? I just couldn’t do any of that. I am doing my best to fix healthy things I enjoy. And while I still see food as an enemy, we are working our way to a tenative peace treaty.

8 May

Well, I went to work out. And what an adventure it was. First, I was going to go to the “fitness center” in my apartment complex. More like a “fitness closet” if you ask me. Anyway, the only thing free was a treadmill, which I hate. Plus, no place to set your cd player or your water. So even though it was 7pm, I decided to drive to the gym. I got in the car, got ready and realized, opps, don’t have Bally’s card. Back up the stairs, grab the card and finally get on the road. When I make my first turn, my 1 liter water bottle tips in to my lap! *snerk*

I would NOT be defeated. I finally got to the gym and did 45 minutes on the EFX and then I did some free weights and some crunches. Thank goodness I had eaten at 4:30 or I never would have made it!

7 May

I don’t want to go work out!! I want to lay down and read a cheesy romance novel. *pouts* Okay, fine. I’ll go work out.

6 May

I made it to the gym this morning. I didn’t work out Sunday or Monday. I wanted to do a six days a week thing, but the last time I did that, I got burnt out too quickly. So if my body wants to rest, I am going to rest it. My knees were popping and they just felt out of wack so I figured an extra day would be best.

I had a nice workout this morning. I did the EFX trainer thing for 35 minutes. I would like to do it longer but they restrict everyone to 30 min per machine. So dumb. I also did some crunches before I stretched, so that was good. I had a nice talk with one of the trainers today. He is from Detroit and noticed the Wings shirt I had on. We chatted about the evilness of the Ducks and how cold Michigan can be. Turns out he played football for Grambling and the New Orleans Saints. Cool, eh? Anyway, he gave me a pass for a free session with him, so that was cool. I can’t really afford a trainer but I wouldn’t mind working out with one again, just to see what things I can add to my routine.

Food is still a pain in my ass, y’all. I am enjoying the stuff I am cooking but I can feel myself aching to be lazy and eat bad food. It takes so much ENERGY to resist falling back in to my old patterns. I swear working out is easier than avoiding the drive-thru on the way home. What is UP with that?

I also have a little scale issue. My scale at home has a MUCH better number than my scale at the gym. Like, 8 pounds lighter number. I know, I know, those scales at the gym are balanced, blah blah blah. But my home scale matched the doctor’s office scale. So I dunno. I kind of want to believe the home scale because, well, it says 210. Heee. Which would rock but I am not sure that is right. I think I will go to the other gym this weekend and see what that scale says. When I was at 218 on my home scale, that scale said 224. Now the scale at the other gym says 218 something. Plus, I am fully clothed at the gym and buck naked on the home scale. So, really, I have no idea. As long as they both keep going down, I guess that is all that matters, right? Still, it would be nice to have an accurate number to work with. I may just say fuck it and wait to see what the doc’s scale says when I go back in a few months. But it is hard not to hop on the scale and wonder if I am THAT close to being under 200.

I was thinking the other day that I haven’t been able to shop in a “normal” store since I was a senior in high school, and that was pushing it. So I know I haven’t worn below a 14 since I was probaly 14. So I have been plus sized for almost HALF MY LIFE! That is just. wow. I cannot continue like this. I cannot. I want to be able to buy cute, reasonably priced clothes and shop at EVERY store in the mall, dammit.

I will get there. I will.

5 May

My calories were near the high range all weekend but I still did pretty good. If I look over the last 2 weeks, I am averaging right around the mid range of all my goals:

1559.6 avg cal (1200min/1700max)

37.92 avg fat g (40min/60max)

220.6 avg carb g (150min/325max)

90.79 avg protein g (45min/75max)

Protein is really the only thing I have gone over on and I am not sure if that is necessarily “bad”. I did pretty well for going out to eat three times this weekend. I had salmon at the fancy place on Friday, wheat bread at the Quiznos and only half my omelete at Le Peep.

I am getting kind of lazy though. I soooo did not want to get up this morning. So, um, I didn’t. But I will work out when I get home, dammit.

2 May

Mmm. So. Uh. I didn’t have a salad. I had four pieces of rye toast, some orange juice and

2 bags of soy crisps!!

That is equal to seven servings and 700 calories. Yeah, not very smart.

I could NOT stop eating yesterday and I still don’t know why. I mean I was uber tired from not getting enough sleep before going to the gym at the ASS CRACK of dawn. I think maybe that had a lot to do with it. I just didn’t seem to have the energy to fight the demon voices in my head telling me to keep eating. I mean, I ate one bag of the crisps and then went in to the kitchen, got another bag, carried it to the living room, ripped it open and ate the whole damn thing without much protest. Not good. So I packed an uber good selection of food for lunch/snack today and I am going to be ridiculously good when I go out to dinner tonight. I will NOT let one bad day ruin two whole weeks of good living!!