Archive | June, 2004
24 Jun

Man, Linda at Losing the Cow is just so damn good, I can hardly stand it. I love love love this:

3. You should want to lose weight only for pure, noble, warm-hearted reasons. Never be angry. Never want to please anyone.

Okay, this is where we discuss the seven deadly sins.

Sloth and gluttony are kind of not helpful, I will grant you. The other five, however, are valuable tools in my personal arsenal, and I use them regularly. Pride? Obviously. Envy? Yep. Lust? Um . . . heh. Anger? Done it. Greed? Please. Heard anything about the differences in pay between fat people and thin people recently? That’s five deadly sins that are on your side and only two that are working against you. With odds like that, there’s nothing to do except embrace sin, within reason.

I mean, yes, for the most part, my motivations are pure. I want health, I want control, I want blah blah blah. Much of the time, I’m hippy-skippy-productive-positive-thinking girl about all of this. But if what it takes on a particular day is concentrating really hard on how much I want to stick it to some piece of shit who yelled an insult at me out of a goddamn car window in 1994 because I had the audacity to walk down the street? Then on that day, that’s what it takes. My subconscious mind certainly isn’t polite about the crap it sometimes tosses out to mess with me; I might as well throw everything I’ve got back.

Word.

I am not sure how good it does me to read such brilliance right after I inhaled breakfast from McDonald’s but there you go.

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18 Jun

It would be really nice if I could just think “hey, I need to make some changes” and then, poof, they would be made. But the world doesn’t work like that. Yesterday, I was inspired to start writing in this again. I am frustrated with myself and my body and it is long past I do something about it. You would think that on the days I write entries about stuff like that, I would at least make an attempt to be healthier.

You would be wrong, my friends.

I got home from work yesterday and automatically made a b-line to the couch. Then I ran to the grocery story and bought Macaroni & Cheese and tater tots for dinner! Oh yes, the comfort-carb coma. The worst thing about it is that I really had no need for the comfort. I wasn’t depressed about anything, maybe a little tired, but nothing excessivly stressful or upsetting going on. It’s actually become the complete norm for me to just eat whatever I want, whenever I want. I had one month of good eating a while back and then nothing. Complete and utter disregard for nutritional value.

It’s honestly rather pathetic. No amount of health scares or clothing frustration or total lack of romantic life seems to motivate me to make any changes. I understand that I am getting a pay off and, right now, it is just easier to accept and be lazy. Just the thought of the changes I need to make in my life fills me with a sense of exhaustion. I also get the concept of one little change at a time blah blah blah.

Why am I even typing this? I know what I need to do and I just don’t do it because I don’t want to do the work. I don’t want to deal with long buried issues. I don’t want to expend energy on doing anything that isn’t fun or interesting or exactly what I want to do at that particular moment.

So I think I’ll just sit around and wait for the magic cure, thank you very much.

17 Jun

I look very cute today. I’ve got on my new pink flirty flowery skirt with my fuschia tank top and by new funky brown shoes. I am the picture of sassy. People always tell me I should wear more bright colors, and I really should. Unlike the Pink Princess, I favor bold, bright pinks to her soft, feminine ones.

Still, I find it hard to shop for colors. In most stores, The Fat Lady Sections, as I am wont to call them because laughing at yourself sometimes keeps you from crying, teach me that I should wear navy blue and black, with the occasional baby blue or maybe get wild with a dash of coral. Everything should be baggy and boring, because you don’t want to draw attention to your big fat nasty self. On occassions when you do, there should be copious amounts of ruffles and/or animal prints. And never, under any circumstances, show any cleavage.

The only way to dress semi-normal is to pay ridiculously over-the-top prices at speciality stores like Lame Giant Lane Bryant or go bankrupt by filling your closet the Emme’s latest creation. I guess I should be thankful that I have an opportunity to fasionable at all, right? I mean, my thinner friends can stock up on the most adorable clothing from Target and other low-price shillers. Cute colors and stuff that is actuall in style! How glorious that must be!

I realize that the only thing between me and the ability to buy those clothes is, well, me. That doesn’t make it any easier to go shopping as I am now. Still, when I look this cute, it makes me wonder how good I’d look if I could dress like this all the time and still afford to pay my rent.

It’s been awhile since I update this thing, but I was inspired a bit by a new blog. She makes some good points that I really needed to hear. I mean, my life, for the most part, is going pretty well. I’m more financially secure than I have ever been, my job is full of friends and isn’t took taxing on my brain, I have my own place that I adore, etc. etc. All the things that I like to say are standing between me and being healthier aren’t there anymore. The only thing standing there now is me and all my issues. I guess I need to get to the other side of that rope she’s talking about and kick my own damn ass.