18 Jun

It would be really nice if I could just think “hey, I need to make some changes” and then, poof, they would be made. But the world doesn’t work like that. Yesterday, I was inspired to start writing in this again. I am frustrated with myself and my body and it is long past I do something about it. You would think that on the days I write entries about stuff like that, I would at least make an attempt to be healthier.

You would be wrong, my friends.

I got home from work yesterday and automatically made a b-line to the couch. Then I ran to the grocery story and bought Macaroni & Cheese and tater tots for dinner! Oh yes, the comfort-carb coma. The worst thing about it is that I really had no need for the comfort. I wasn’t depressed about anything, maybe a little tired, but nothing excessivly stressful or upsetting going on. It’s actually become the complete norm for me to just eat whatever I want, whenever I want. I had one month of good eating a while back and then nothing. Complete and utter disregard for nutritional value.

It’s honestly rather pathetic. No amount of health scares or clothing frustration or total lack of romantic life seems to motivate me to make any changes. I understand that I am getting a pay off and, right now, it is just easier to accept and be lazy. Just the thought of the changes I need to make in my life fills me with a sense of exhaustion. I also get the concept of one little change at a time blah blah blah.

Why am I even typing this? I know what I need to do and I just don’t do it because I don’t want to do the work. I don’t want to deal with long buried issues. I don’t want to expend energy on doing anything that isn’t fun or interesting or exactly what I want to do at that particular moment.

So I think I’ll just sit around and wait for the magic cure, thank you very much.

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