Slow and steady wins the race, standing still gets you run over

11 Apr

sloth (slôth, slth, slth)
n.

1. Aversion to work or exertion; laziness; indolence.
2. Any of various slow-moving, arboreal, edentate mammals of the family Bradypodidae of South and Central America, having long hooklike claws by which they hang upside down from tree branches and feeding on leaves, buds, and fruits.

I don’t have claws and I don’t ever hang upside down, but that about sums up my life at the moment. My butt hurts from sitting so much. How fucked up is that?

I’ve been writing in this stupid thing more than two fucking years. I don’t have much to show for it, honestly. I’ve probably lost a total of, oh, 6 pounds during that time. At that rate, I’ll be at my goal AFTER I’M DEAD!

One accomplishment that I never ever ever thought I would actually be able to do is give up Coca Cola and I have. It’s weird to be proud of something like that, but it’s true. I can’t even remember that last time I had any. Okay, if you count those frozen Coke things at the movies, it was about 6 months ago. But I don’t. Heh. Seriously, though. I used to drink, like, 6 cans a day! To go from that to not ever buying it is amazing to me. If I cut out the occasional Mountain Dew purchase, I would be completely off the sugar-soda.

So I guess I’ve done a few things right. But I am still not exercising and still using food as a crutch. It’s very scary, staring at 30 right in the face and not being the kind of person I want to be. I’ve pretty much wasted 1/3 of my life being fat and miserable.

I have such a hard time living in the moment, for today. All I can see is the poundage and time that stretches out before me. It overwhelms me, freezes me in fear. I can read as many success stories as I want and find the perfect food plans to eat, but it comes down to actually doing it. Not because I want to be Orlando Bloom’s next girlfriend, but because I deserve a better life.

Oprah, gods love her, says you have to decide to make a change. Very much like my favorite Yoda quote: Do or do not. There is no try. I am a habitual trier, and not a very diligent one at that. The most important thing is to stop lying to myself and decide.

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