How much is that piccata in the window?

5 May

I survived my first dining-out experience since I started eating better. The fact that I’ve only eaten food that I prepared, except for two occasions, for almost three weeks straight is mind blowing to me.

It was very intimidating to know I was going to be going out with a big group to a place like this. We originally planned for Mexican food, which is easy. Order the fajitas or the chicken salad with light dressing and avoid the chips and tortillas. Simple!

But The Grand Lux Cafe? Not so much. I planned on ordering a shrimp cocktail and chicken lettuce wraps. But when I got there? No shrimp cocktail! And, most assuredly, the ground chicken was full of skin and cooking in oil. Tasty but treacherous. And while the salads were plentiful, the light/fat free dressing was not. House vinaigrette was as safe as it got and no info is given for it. I finally chose the chicken piccata and substituted the pasta for green beans.

It was very tasty and I made sure to only it the one half-breast and half the beans. I’ll probably have the rest when I have my break at work this evening. The hardest part was inputting it into the Self Diet log. Try typing “piccata” in any one of those food diaries. Yeah. Not so much. So I just spent ten minutes searching online for a recipe that probably matched what I ate AND gave the nutritional breakdown. Harder than it sounds, trust me. I went with the one that had the most calories and fat, just to be on the safe side. It wasn’t *thebest* thing in the world I could have eaten, but I did pretty good for that place.

It was also weird to be sitting there and mentally calculating the amount of calories and fat grams in each thing my friends ordered. That hamburger on cheese bread with thousand island dressing, cheese and a side of fries? Just kill me now! Do you know how many empty carbs are in that white rice you are eating? Gah. It’s taken over my brain.

Right now, I don’t consider that a bad thing because, unfortunately, that is how I have to think right now. I have to count it all up in my head and ask myself if it is worth it. Am I willing to throw away three weeks of work for a plate of fries that will take me beyond my calorie limit for the day before noon? No I am not.

I made the mistake of going to Target yesterday and trying on bathing suits. Yeah, not the smartest thing to do when you are actually feeling good about losing a few pounds, I can assure you. First of all, who thought two piece suits work for fat girls? COME ON! The last thing I want is something that accentuates my spare tire AND could potentially slide up and expose my gut while I am walking. Just. No.

Anyway, under the glare of the lights and the full-length mirror, I was forced to really look at my body and, honestly, not pretty. This is something I am aware of, obviously, but it always seems so much sharper and real in the dressing room. Compound that with the fact that I couldn’t find a suit that I liked, it was not a happy trip. Not such a good idea since I also needed to pick up some fat free cottage cheese while I was there. I had to walk through the frozen food section to get to it, too. So many things I wanted to eat. I even spent a minute looking at the South Beach Diet pizza. “I can eat this!” I thought to myself. It’s made with whole wheat flour, blah blah blah. It won’t hurt me!

But then I stopped for a second and realized that it wasn’t about the fat grams or the carbs. I wanted that pizza because I was depressed and when I am depressed, I want pizza. Which leads to chips, which leads to chocolate, which leads to even more bathing suit trauma. Yeah, I could eat it and the actual food wouldn’t hurt me, but the reason I wanted to eat it would.

So I put down the pizza, went home, had some soup and tried to push away what I saw in the mirror and focus on the positive things I’ve been doing. It was painful. But I did it. Can I have a gold star now, please?


One Response to “How much is that piccata in the window?”

  1. Anonymous July 3, 2005 at 8:26 pm #

    yes.u are good.

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