is THAT what you are going to wear?

20 Apr

Yesterday, I ordered $100 worth of shirts from EddieBauer.com because it’s hot herrrrre in Texas and I weigh more than I did last Spring, so nothing I own fits me. I kept putting it off because I hate spending money on “fat” clothes. I always want to just wait until I am thinner to go shopping because I guess I think I’ll end up with a closet full of expensive clothes that don’t fit? I don’t know. But when I came to work in a t-shirt and my stretchy black pants yesterday, I realized that I looked like I was in my pajamas and that just wasn’t right.

Of course, it’s so hard to shop after you’ve gained weight because *nothing* looks or fit right. Even if it does, all I can see is the extra chins and the way my arms bulge out here and look at the way the fabric clings to my fat roll here and OMG CAN I PLEASE JUST WEAR A MUMU AND BE DONE WITH IT?

One of the most frustrating thing about being fat is not really being able to have a very personal sense of style. I spend the majority of my shopping just trying to find things that *fit* without making me feel like a hippo. I don’t have a lot of time to be picky about colors or cut or anything like that. If the pants zip and they aren’t too long, that’s about as far as I can go. Most of the time, I end up expressing myself through my shoes or earrings because it’s a little easier to accessorize.

And, unfortunately, I don’t find animal print or used hot air balloons to be all that flattering, so shopping in the women’s department of most stores is pretty much pointless. While I applaud stores like Lame Giant Lane Bryant and some of the hipper online stores for at least trying, most of that stuff doesn’t fit me either. Apparently, at my weight, I should be eight inches taller with gigantic boobs and a really wide ass. Instead, I’m a shorty that carries all her weight right in the middle and across the shoulders. So if it fits those things, the extra material around my breasts could be useful for, I don’t know, shopping for fruit or something. And if a pair of pants fits me around the waist, I guarantee you that they will be too long because of my flat ass and unusually slim thighs. So even things that would normally be a positive for most women make me fashion challenged.

I am also not a fan of flowing tunics that are cut down to my navel. Yes, bigger girls can be sexy and all that jazz but 99% of it isn’t appropriate for work. So, thanks Torrid but I am going to have to skip that sparkly tube top for now.

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