Archive | April, 2008

You tell me who this sounds like: slow moving, inattentive, dull, constantly snacking, shows a lack of motivation.

17 Apr

So, yesterday was a Bad Day. I don’t mean that in terms of what I ate or anything, as I am trying to avoid using such terminology. Positivity! Focus on the fun! I just mean I had a Bad Day.

I found myself crying for no discernible reason. There was just an ache in my chest that wouldn’t go away and all I could thinks was “God, I just want to eat something, everything, right fucking now!” I was convinced it would make me feel better. I resisted because, man, I want to keep those hockey tickets and I don’t want to let me friends down and I’ve wasted enough time already. So I sucked it up and just let myself cry. I curled up into a little ball on my bed, took some deep breaths, snuggled with the cats and waited for it to pass, which it eventually did. I felt a little ridiculous, lying there, but it was better than eating a bad of chips or whatever, and definitely had less calories.

It got me to thinking about food and addiction. I am pretty sure that cutting white flour out of my diet and avoiding sugar was part of what triggered it. Those are both things that I have used constantly in my life to soothe myself when I get depressed. I honestly believe I am chemically dependent on them and I need to remind myself of that when I start feeling crazier when I am eating healthier. I suppose part of it could be psychosomatic, wherein I miss those things and I assume that my crazy is related to them but it feels like a different kind of crazy, if that makes any sense. It’s almost a panic, like if I don’t have these things right now, I am going to…something. Break into a million pieces. Being hungry triggers that feeling sometimes, too. Simply letting myself feel things and not stuff myself with food freaks me out. That’s why planning out my food becomes very important because if I slack off and I end up feeling too hungry, that’s when I make unhealthy decisions.

I am desperately trying to take this slow and not be too hard on myself because I know it hasn’t worked in the past. But I also have to balance that out with making an extra effort to stay on track and actually start making some sacrifices or I am never going to get anywhere.

The BFF’s mantra, as I mentioned above, is that it’s All About the Fun. I think she got this from The Secret or whatever but I try to not think about how she is going to end up in a creepy cult someday if she keeps this up and focus on the part where that makes sense. Just about every self-help book/guru/website/whatever will tell you that focusing on the positives works better than bitching about the negatives. I am working on that, I promise. I made fun mixes to walk to and I got shiny shoes to wear while I am doing it. And I look at that picture of the hockey boys celebrating at least once a day. And when, like last night, I allow myself two cookies, I don’t get down on myself. I enter it into MySpark and move on.

And today, my fun thing was to walk over to Trader Joe’s at lunch. It killed two birds with one stone: I got my exercise and I bought some healthy staples for the pantry! Plus, it was such a beautiful day, I barely noticed the walk. Of course, my calves are now reminding me that I took it, but that’s okay. It makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something. I had to walk by the Bally’s on the way and I caught myself starting to think things like “okay, if you get up at 6am, you can ride the train in and get this much cardio in and still have time to shower and get to work…” and I had to stop myself because, seriously, let’s try to walk for 30 minutes a day three times a week first before we plan our trip down gym junkie lane, right? Right!

Also, thanks to Half of Me (which, if you are not reading, you totally should because she is AWESOMELY inspirational and I can’t wait to read her book!), I found the Couch-to-5k running plan, which I think I am going to try (eventually). It’s just the sort of easily understood, baby steps plan I can get behind.

And now that I have updated this, I can give myself another smiley face on my goals page! WOO!

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I feel faster already

14 Apr

I feel faster already

Inspi(red)

7 Apr

Happy Hockey Boys are Inspirational

You may be asking yourself what a bunch of happy hockey players have to do with my health but, trust me, I am going to get to it! This isn’t just an excuse to post that awesome picture. Although I do adore looking at it. *stares for a moment*

Okay, here’s how the story goes. A few weeks ago, The BFF e-mailed me a proposition. “Let’s set some health and fitness goals,” she said. “And then when we reach them, we’ll buy season tickets for the Capitals!” Sometimes, she has awesome ideas. So we started to plan. However, the Caps threw a little (yet extremely AWESOME) wrench into our plans: THEY MADE THE PLAYOFFS! C-A-P-S! CAPS! CAPS! CAPS!

Uh. Anyway, after some research, we realized that a)season tickets were selling out fast, and b)if we bought them now, we were guaranteed playoff tickets at a discounted rate. After much conferring, we decided to go ahead and get them. Now, if you know me, you know that delayed gratification is an Achilles’ heel for me. To make this as legit as possible, we are all (The BFF’s roommate is also in) going to sign a contract stating that if we do not make our goals, we have to SELL our beloved tickets.

We decided to make Friday the deadline for coming up with our goals but I think I have them down for now. I tried to be as realistic as possible. And while I will be watching my weight, I have decided not to make any set weight goals, as I feel that eating better and exercise will naturally lead to it (hopefully!) and obsessing about the numbers is not really in my best interest at this time. I am trying to incorporate things that have worked in the past and leave behind the things that haven’t. We’ll see how that goes.

Here is what I have so far:

  1. Exercise at least 3 times a week for at least 30 minutes.
  2. Bring lunch to work at least 3 times a week.
  3. Update this here blog at least once a week.
  4. Eat more fruits and veggies!
  5. Track food on Spark
  6. Avoid white flour as much as possible.
  7. Avoid eating out as much as possible.

I’ve set up a little widget from Joe’s Goals to help me track my progress, which I will add to my sidebar as soon as WP stops being a bitch.

Amber's Personal Score Badge

The first five goals give me positive points and if I slip on the last two, points are taken away. I am trying to be realistic without being too vague and/or easy on myself. How am I doing? Should I be more strict? Not strict enough?

Hopefully, if all goes well, I’ll lose weight (so I can fit into the teeny arena seats better!) and have more energy (for cheering) when this is all said and done, as well as AWESOME season tickets to the Caps. However, I promise to never ever wear this. Probably. Maybe. Okay, no. Seriously. But I reserve the right to wear ridiculous things like that in the future if the spirit moves me.