i like bread and butter

30 Jun

Two entries in two days? WHAT? Yeah, I know. But I was reading some weight loss blogs at lunch *points to side bar* and I got a little inspired. (Plus, I get a point! Woo! I like to think of them as sparkly gold stars in my head. Because I am twelve!)

Anyway, I didn’t end up meditating last night like I planned. I read a few chapters of Feeling Good (okay, more like skimmed because jeezo, I get it, this works, can we move on please?) and by the time I was done, it was midnight and I felt a little silly mediating before bed. I don’t want to set up a pattern or I’ll be falling asleep every time I try it.

I had a hard time sleeping, though, so I sort of wish I had tried it. I had one of those headaches you get when you are addicted to sugar and caffeine and you spend a whole day avoiding them. Plus, I only ended up eating around 1,600 calories which is probably a lot less than I’ve been used to lately. I laid in bed for a while, fighting the urge to get up and have a slice of bread with butter. I wanted this so badly, ya’ll! Instead, I just laid there frustrated that, once again, I was obsessing about food. And when I woke up, I still had the headache, plus a serious craving for a donut!

Now, I haven’t had a donut in, like, two years. Oddly, I am not a big fan of them normally. I only have them when someone kindly brings them into the office. But for some reason, I just wanted a gd donut! I even Google mapped to see if there was a Dunkin Donuts near my office. (DAMN YOU, RACHEL RAY!) Thankfully, there was not one within a half mile. On the one hand, if you are going to eat a donut, you should probably have to walk a mile round trip to get it. On the other hand, girl is lazy. Of course, there are two Au Bon Pains between me and my office, so I ended up with a cherry danish and some coffee anyway. Still, I entered the food in my Spark log and I did bring a healthy lunch, so I don’t think it’s going to kill me. I am trying so so so sooooooooooo hard to not make things a huge deal. A cherry danish on a Monday morning? Not a big deal. A cherry danish every day until the end of time? A big deal. One day at a time is so cliche but I’ve got to break it down further to, like, on hour at a time or I’ll go crazier.

I am trying not to make too many eating habit changes too quickly (yes, again) because I tend to get obsessive. Like, I should be eating healthier AND focusing on more sustainable eating practices AND trying to save money AND AND AND! But, really, I think that’s asking a lot of anyone. So I am doing my best to focus on things that taste good that are good for me and working from there.  Once I’ve developed a good habit, then I can find a way to make it cheaper/more sustainable/whatever.


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