Archive | July, 2008

i <3 tomatoes

1 Jul

I was going to post a picture of the cute little heart-shaped tomato slice I had with my lunch but when I tried to capture it with my camera phone it looked like, well, a jay-jay, as The BFF would say.  So, let’s just skip that, shall we?

The point of the post still the same, however. I have a very complicated love/hate relationship with food, which should come as a surprise to no one. It’s a blissful romance filled with candlelight and warm-fuzzy feelings one day, and the next, it’s cruel and abusive and makes life very difficult.

Sometimes, it feels like food and I are a divorcing couple that’s been locked in a room together with no escape at all. Sure, we’ve had good times together and there was so much love once. But now I just hate it and I want to punish it for making me miserable, then I never want to see it again. It’s all food’s fault! I was the good one in this relationship! Food let me down! Food doesn’t make me feel good like it used to. Why can’t food do the fucking dishes for once??!?

Unfortunately, my relationship with food isn’t like your standard romantic relationship. I can’t break up with food. I can’t erase its name from my cell phone and set its emails to spam. I can’t pack up all its shit and set it out in the lawn. And while I can make a playlist full of my favorite sad songs, that really does do much for me health-wise.

No matter how mad I am at food, I still have to deal with it every day or I die. It’s that simple. So one of the hardest things for me is to think of food as simply just fuel for my body. Something that I should enjoy but not let dominate my every emotion. Usually the more frustrated I am with myself, the more frustrated I am with food, too. During these periods, I will literally eat pizza every day for a week, because it’s the only food I don’t want to toss out the window and run over with my car. It’s the only food that still gives me a little pleasure.

(Oh, wow! Pizza is my fuckbuddy, ya’ll!)

At the moment, I am trying not to hate food. I am trying to pack lunches and make dinners and plan breakfasts that are relatively healthy that I know I will enjoy.  This girl loves her some tomatoes, so it’s a good time of year to give into that love. Well, except for the recall but still! I love a freshly-sliced tomato with a little dash of salt and pepper. I like it on sandwiches and diced on salad and in salsa and pasta sauce and sauteed with some zucchini. I LOVE TOMATOES! So I am embracing them, in moderation of course. I’m embracing strawberries and raspberries and sweet corn and dark rye bread and black bean dip and guacamole. Things that I love that love me back which is what you want in a happy relationship, right?

Sure, sometimes guacamole tempts m to eat tortilla chips by the bowl full and sweet corn is a lot more carbalicious than baby spinach and, man, strawberries never pick up their dirty socks. But by allowing myself to feel good about what I eat inspires me and motivates me to find more things to eat that I love that will love me back.

(Sometimes I feel very much “fake it until I make it” about these types of posts. If you look in my archives, you can probably find a similar post espousing the same ideals. On the one hand, I feel a bit like a hypocrite because I say it and live it for awhile and then stop. On the other hand, you only fail when you give up completely, right?)